blog

Chef Lonely Heart’s Soup For 1 – Again

I’ve tried all the dating sites.  Match.com, Chemistry.com, Cupid.com, and OnandOn.com.  I’m so lonely and I’ve spent so much money trying to fix that loneliness.  Oh, I still have every single one of these dating sites running my credit card bill to the tune of $200/month.  To ease my mind, I like to call it the price of being fat.

What I wouldn’t do just to have a date where it’s not some kind of facade.  One time my aunt set me up with one of her younger friends.  Talk about a pitty date.  I later found out, my aunt paid them to have dinner with me.  When I confronted her, she said she knew it wouldn’t kindle into anything but she just wanted to give me hope.

As mad as I could have been, I wasn’t because it actually was kind of nice to have someone eating with me for a change.  I’m that person you always see sitting alone at a restaurant.  I always feel eyes watching me, shaming me.  I know people really aren’t shaming me but to the person sitting alone, you can’t help but feel embarrassed after awhile.  Sometimes waiters that have gotten to know me will just take me to a small table because they already know no one is coming.

Nowadays, I save my red face for other occasions.  I just go through the drive throughs or order pizza and spare myself the heartache.

But back to the online personals, no one ever sends me a message.  Well, I take that back, I once got a couple of IMs but that was only because I posted a side picture of just my face from 50 lbs ago (still pretty chubby then).  Once they got a look at a more in-depth detail, they ran.  I don’t really blame them but it’s just so depressing to always be alone.

Companionship is the main reason why I want to lose weight.  I would so much love to have a date – a real one.  The honest truth is that I’ve never actually had a real date.  My aunt set me up that one time but that was it.

And so it is today that I will eat again, alone, on my black leather couch watching sitcoms.  The only adventure will be whether I get McDonalds, Wendys, or Pizza Hut.

Alone again, naturally.

http://www.weightlossthoughts.com

I’m Not Fat, I’m Just Big Boned/Husky/Insert Next Excuse Here

I’m tired of excuses.  My whole life has been mired in excuses.  It’s not a good time to lose weight because it’s the holidays.  I can’t start my new diet now because I’m sad it’s summer and I can’t wear a bathing suit without teenagers throwing sand in their eyes.  I can’t go to the gym because my car might be low on oil (yet I drive it the next day to work).  I can’t go walk outside because the premier of Boston Legal is coming on.

I’m sick of it.  Excuses suck – especially when they come to weight loss.  I made excuses all right, I excused myself into being a big fat fatass and it makes me so mad, I just want to throw my 550 calorie rubber chicken tv dinner with cranberry side all over Blue Bloods.

You know what I wonder sometimes?  I wonder why can’t I just be skinny.  Is that not the stupidest thing?  I know exactly why I just can’t be skinny, I eat like a fcking pig.  I go to Chinese food buffets and the owners start scurrying around and quietly whispering as if their margin might be ruined.

You know, I’ve never closed down a buffett or had the owners come up to me and give me the hook, but it’s gotten to the point where one Chinese restaurant manager was personally hovering over my table and asking if he could get me anything, basically hurrying me and trying to take me out of my comfort zone (which was stuffing myself).  After two more platefuls, I eventually gave up and left so I guess it kinda worked.

I go to Marble Slab Creamery and get two ice cream cones and try to give the impression there’s someone waiting for me in the car.  Those may be 17 year olds behind the country but they can see right through my fatass every time.

I’ve even purposefully sat beside someone I know won’t show up at a wedding so I can conveniently say, “Oh well they’re not going to eat this…hahaha… I guess I’ll eat it so it doesn’t go to waste.”  The other guests at the table gave me the same coaxed smile and look the 17 year olds at Marble Slab of Fat did.

That’s why I’m really fat.  Like fat as in I’ve had to stay at home rather than going to something I really wanted to go to but literally had nothing clean that I could wear that would fit me.  We’re talking I either wore sweats to meet for drinks or I didn’t go.  That’s so said, it makes me want to cry.

I don’t know why, Internet, but I feel like I confide in you.  What am I insane now, I’m talking to the world wide web like it’s one of my cats.  And yes, I know, talking to your cats doesn’t exactly get you certified normal.

But you know what, damnit, I’ve lost 6 pounds since Christmas and that’s a start.  No excuses for me.  I’m plowing right ahead and am going to try to lose 10 more pounds in the next 23 days.

Let’s file this under weight loss excuses and hope that I don’t come back with any next time I blog.

http://www.weightlossthoughts.com