Netflix is My Friend and I gained 3 lbs
Well the good news is I have a friend called Netlix. She keeps me company when things get lonely and trust me, I get pretty lonely sometimes. Many people aren’t very lonely but have you ever felt all by yourself? I feel all alone a lot so I always try to turn the TV or music on to have the sound of people talking, otherwise it gets too quiet.
Sometimes – even though I’m usually pretty lazy – I’ll go to Wal-Mart just to be around other people. When the Wal-Mart greeter says hi to me, I always try to stop and chat for as long as they’ll go for it. It really makes my day. The Wal-Mart greeters are almost always really nice people. I hope they get paid at least $10 an hour.
I’ve been on this new diet of mine for a few days but I still gained 3 lbs. It’s ok, I’m almost resigned to being fat and alone for the rest of my life. I get really sad about it but I have very low confidence which goes right along with my low self esteem. Things that people say about me negatively really knock me down a peg each time.
For every comment or snide remark I get, I sink that much lower. Sometimes I’m just sad for an extended period of time. Even my rays of happiness are not true and cannot be lasting. For example, the small talk with the Wal-Mart greeters is just that, small talk. The interaction is fleeting and still leaves me all alone on Thanksgiving, setting up a Thanksgiving day meal by myself for only me.
I’m going to stop writing now because I’m getting to sad thinking about this. I wish I had more self control to stop my binge eating.